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Once upon a time I lived in the same street as Frank Zappa. Yes, it’s absolutely true. For a few months in late 1970 and early 1971 Frank and I were neighbours within a brisk walk of each other in Notting Hill. Zappa was in London filming 200 Motels at Pinewood Studios and the family (FZ, Gail and the two oldest kids Moon and Dweezil) rented a swanky, up-market residence at 56 Ladbroke Grove. Meanwhile, the Little House I Used To Live In (actually a miserable garret atop a run-down five storey walk-up) was just along the road at number 198. You must admit that’s an impressive claim and I feel it elevates my Zappa fan status somewhat.
Without wishing to sound elitist, I’ve always thought of myself as a major Frank Zappa fan and a completist to boot. I’m not one of those who owns just a handful of his more popular records. Oh no. In fact, there was a time when I could boast that I owned ALL of them. Yes, I had the full set, comprising every last one of Frank’s albums (including the classical music titles and The Old Masters and Beat the Boots box sets), both on vinyl and CD where applicable, with multiple copies of some (US and UK pressings, mono and stereo etc.) That’s no mean feat considering he released around 60 official albums during his lifetime alone. And, since 1994 at least another 70 have appeared posthumously, bringing the total to a shelf-straining 130 individual titles or thereabouts. But that, my friends, is only the beginning.
Any Zappa collection worthy of the name must also include any number of vinyl compilations from around the world, most of them featuring selections
from his late 60s albums. Frank took an understandably dim view of random “best of” collections
of his work, but his label Verve-MGM cared little for that, endlessly recycling the
early Mothers' material over which he had no control at the time.
Then there are the vinyl singles, DVDs, VHS Tapes, cassettes,
books and assorted memorabilia to be reckoned with. And that’s before we get to the Zappa-owned Straight and
Bizarre label releases by the likes of Wild Man Fischer, Captain Beefheart, Alice
Cooper, Tim Buckley and the rest. Also,
depending how far down the FZ rabbit hole you want to go, we have myriad associated
recordings from the Zappa alumni (Steve Vai, George Duke, Jean-Luc Ponty, Flo & Eddie, Dweezil and many more). And, please, let’s not
even mention the seemingly endless number of FZ bootlegs, which outnumber the official releases many times over. Yes, I think it’s fair to say that life as a
Zappa devotee has never been for the faint of heart or, indeed, the light of
pocket.
But following matriarch Gail’s passing in 2015, we
entered a new phase. Whatever flimsy restraints
had existed on the Zappa catalogue quickly evaporated and the discography virtually
exploded, with Super Deluxe expanded reissues of major albums, multi disc live collections
and cripplingly expensive box sets appearing seemingly monthly. Some items were on general sale (if you knew where to look), others only available by mail-order or as official downloads from the Zappa Family Trust website. It all became very confusing, not to mention extremely costly.
In the face of this veritable tsunami of new material, my completist
boast no longer held water - in fact it began to leak like a rusty sieve. If we thought it was hard to keep up before,
it now became almost impossible. Heaven help the brave soul who decides to start a Zappa collection today. While possessing the physical product will always
be the best and most desirable way to go ("because people like to own stuff" as Frank himself once said), there came a point where the once
reviled streaming and/or download option suddenly began to make perfect sense.
But let’s go back to the beginning. To amass such an impressive collection, you
must start early and that’s exactly what I did.
I’m proud (if not a little smug) to say my Zappa obsession started in
1967 with his first album. I’ve never
been much of an impulse buyer when it comes to records. In fact, as far as I recall, I’ve only ever
secured two LPs purely on the basis of their sleeve artwork alone and with
absolutely no knowledge of the music or musicians within. One was The 5000 Spirits or the Layers
of the Onion by the Incredible String Band and the other was, you
guessed it, the Mothers’ debut album, Freak Out. Like many a
casual browser before me the thought occurred: if the sleeve is this
amazing then how good must the music be?
I wasn’t disappointed.
I picked up these records within months of each other
in mid-1967 and I think you’ll agree both were wise, if not life-changing, acquisitions, informing so much of the music I would listen to in the decades
ahead. They are wildly dissimilar in style and content, of course, but both tapped into the 60s zeitgeist
perfectly, their attention-grabbing sleeves impossible to ignore.
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| My well-worn UK mono copy of Freak Out bought in 1967 |
While the pop/psych and blues/rock material on Freak Out such as “Hungry Freaks Daddy,” “Wowie Zowie,” “Who Are the Brain Police” and “Trouble Comin’ Everyday” was hugely enjoyable in a quirky kind of way, the real meat of this album lay with the tracks “Help, I’m A Rock,” “It Can’t Happen Here” and “The Return of the Son of Monster Magnet.” This was genuinely weird stuff; unlike anything I'd heard before. As Captain Beefheart would opine almost a decade later, here was a bunch of “opaque melodies that would bug most people.” It was unashamedly ugly music guaranteed to alienate the uninitiated or clear a room of unwanted guests. There was genius at work here and I couldn't get enough of it.
In Britain the truncated single LP of Freak Out (missing a few tracks) was released in March 1967, eight months later than the US version. So, when I spotted the American double
album sometime later in a second-hand store, I had to have it. Yes, by some miracle it included the
desirable “Freak Out Hot Spots” insert map of LA which is now hugely
collectable in its own right and probably worth more than the album
itself. A tiny reproduction of the
map was included with the 2006 release The MOFO Project/Object.
From there I began to track down the Zappa albums in vague
release order. My second acquisition was
We’re Only In It For The Money which I first heard at a Sheffield party
in 1968. Call it happenstance, or even serendipity, but the Velvet Underground LP White Light / White Heat was also on the turntable at the same get-together. I have only the faintest memory of that evening, but it must have been some mighty shindig if we
were grooving to “Sister Ray” and “The Gift” alongside “What’s The Ugliest Part
Of Your Body” and “The Idiot Bastard Son.”
I immediately loved both LPs, which is ironic
considering Frank and Lou Reed apparently couldn’t stand the sight of each
other. But here they were on the same
record label, with the same producer (Tom Wilson ostensibly produced the first two albums by each band), one group representing sleazy, decadent New York and the other laid
back, sunny LA. The war of words between
the pair continued for years, with insults flying from both sides. But it all seemed to turn out OK after
Frank’s death when, in 1995, Lou did an abrupt volte face and inducted Zappa
into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame with a warm and complimentary tribute.
Incidentally, fact fans, We’re Only In It For The Money (V6 5045) and White Light / White Heat (V6 5046) carried consecutive catalogue numbers on the US Verve label, implying they were released simultaneously in early 1968. Meanwhile, over in Britain the albums were two numbers apart - SVLP 9199 and SVLP 9201 respectively – separated only by bandleader Don Costa and his easy listening mono-only album Modern Delights (Verve VLP 9200). Admit it, this is the kind of content you come here for!
We’re Only In It For The Money was
funny, weird and brilliant in equal measure and absolutely packed with great
songs, crazy edits and dazzling sound effects.
I was particularly taken with the simulation of a stylus
skidding across the record on “Nasal Retentive Calliope Music” which, speaking
as the kind of person who gets antsy if someone leaves an LP out of its sleeve
for more than a few minutes, I still find rather disturbing almost 60 years
later. Although now I think about it, it
must have sounded even more extraordinary for those hearing this track for the
first time on tape, CD or, heaven forbid, Spotify.
“Who Needs the Peace Corps” was a wonderfully observed swipe
at the hippie movement (one of several on the album) and the faux ad-lib spoken section was
still being performed verbatim on the final Zappa tour of 1988. Another highlight was “Flower Punk” which was
played in the manic garage band style of The Leaves’ 1966 single “Hey
Joe.” The spoken coda on this track is especially ingenious. Two
(or is it three?) voices can be heard simultaneously, each one relating
an unlikely story. On
stereo copies of the album these voices can be isolated to hilarious effect by
panning the left/right channel control.
Two years earlier the Freak Out sleeve notes had mockingly quoted LA Disc Jockey Reb Foster saying "I'd like to clean you boys up a bit and mold you. I believe I could make you as big as the Turtles." In an early manifestation of conceptual continuity, the Leaves’ bassist and founder Jim Pons would later join the Turtles before being drafted into the 1971 “Vaudeville Band” line-up of the Mothers. There he teamed up with Mark Volman and Howard Kaylan, aka Flo and Eddie, meaning that three-fifths of the Turtles eventually wound up in Zappa's band. Naturally, Frank couldn't resist taking the opportunity to perform a tongue-in-cheek live version of their biggest hit "Happy Together" during this period. Find it on the album Fillmore East - June 1971.
WOIIFTM even featured a couple of spoken contributions from
Eric Clapton, then riding high with Cream and considered the ultimate rock
deity by many at the time. Among other
things, Frank persuaded Eric to say the line “It’s God! I see God!” in the manner of someone peaking on acid. Even though
it set out to parody the Beatles’ magnum opus (it succeeded magnificently, even
down to the insert cut-out sheet which came with original pressings), Money
really was Frank’s very own Sgt Pepper in many ways. Without doubt it’s his finest Verve album and his greatest early work. No one else was making records like this in
the 60s.
The second album Absolutely Free eluded me for
a while and the first time I heard key tracks “Call Any Vegetable” and “Brown Shoes Don’t
Make It” was on the 1969 compilation Mothermania. When, finally, I did turn up a copy I was astonished to find that “Call Any Vegetable” featured a
quite amazing extended guitar solo which had been cut out of the Mothermania
edit of the track. Not only did Frank
write incredible songs, but he was funny as hell and a monster guitar player to
boot. Was there nothing this Zappa
fellow couldn’t do? There was no going
back now. From this humble beginning, a
massive record collection began to grow.
As for the contractual obligation LP Mothermania,
this is said to be the only Verve “best of” compiled by Frank himself, and in true Zappa style he sneaked a few
things in without the record company noticing.
The line “shut your fucking mouth about the length of my hair” which MGM had purged from the We’re Only In It For The Money track “Mother
People” was surreptitiously reinstated here, while “The Idiot Bastard Son” appeared with a radically different mix. It may have been just a compilation, but Mothermania sported one of the most memorable and on-brand sleeves of the entire FZ catalogue. To quote Suzy Creamcheese from the Freak Out liner notes "These Mothers is crazy. You can tell by their clothes."
Possibly the weirdest place I ever stumbled across a Zappa album was mid-1971 in the gift shop of the cruise liner MV Europa sailing
between Durban, South Africa and Venice, Italy (don't ask, it's a long story). There, sitting incongruously amid a selection
of cheesy LPs by James Last, Perry Como, Mitch Miller and other easy listening landfill was a gold label Italian pressing of
the 1969 release The **** Of The Mothers, one of those Verve
compilations mentioned earlier. I instantly
snapped it up and, after disembarking in Venice, hitch-hiked across five European countries with the record in my backpack before bringing it home safely to London.
For those interested in pointless maritime minutiae, the 14,500-ton MV
Europa was launched in 1953 and spent much of her working life sailing between
the east coast of Africa and Italy, via Cape Town. In
1976 she caught fire and sank in the port of Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. You may insert your own Ship Arriving
Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch wisecrack here.
Uncle Meat
Then there was the time I scored an entire carton of 25 copies of Uncle Meat. Here’s how it came about. From 1967 to 1973 I worked for a London music publisher. Part of my job involved schlepping around the West End on foot five days a week in all weathers delivering and collecting documents, artwork, photographs and sheet music to and from record companies, publicists and the myriad publishing houses. I later discovered that I had inherited the position from the guitarist Caleb Quaye, who had gone to work as an engineer at Dick James Studios in New Oxford Street before joining an early version of the Elton John band and hence to form Hookfoot.
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| Transatlantic Records was based in Marylebone Lane until the early 70s |
One regular destination was the headquarters of Transatlantic Records, then located at 120 Marylebone Lane, just a stone's throw from Manchester Square and the famous EMI House. For reasons still unclear, around 1969 Transatlantic was tasked with issuing a handful of Reprise / Bizarre label titles in Britain. These included The Mothers’ Uncle Meat
and Lenny Bruce’s The Berkeley Concert (both licensed from
Zappa’s Bizarre label), plus a pair of 1968 Reprise LPs by The Fugs: It
Crawled Into My Hand, Honest and Tenderness Junction.
I’ve heard various explanations as to why this solitary FZ
album appeared on a tiny independent label, best known for its folk, blues and
jazz releases. One is that the UK arm of
Warner Bros (the parent company of Reprise), was a little nervous about Zappa’s
lyrics. Even so, Reprise happily issued the record in many other territories, so that explanation doesn’t really hold
up. That said, the Australian release of
Uncle Meat was heavily censored, as was the Aussie version of 200
Motels.
A more likely theory is that Pye Records, the UK manufacturers and distributors of Reprise releases from the label's inception in 1961 until 1971, baulked at the content of the four records, forcing the change. In any case, within months Reprise distribution moved from Pye to the Kinney Music Group (the new owners of Warner Bros - Seven Arts Music) and manufacturing switched to CBS. The “RSLP” prefixes found on the catalogue numbers of UK Reprise LPs up to 1971 changed to “K” (for Kinney) thereafter and any reference to Pye Records was blacked out / overprinted on the labels (presumably they continued to use up old stock of the paper labels). This is noticeable on early UK pressings of Hot Rats and Burnt Weeny Sandwich with the three colour “steamboat” Reprise labels. Got all that? Good. I’ll be taking questions later.
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| Early UK pressing of Burnt Weeny Sandwich with Pye Records credit redacted. Spot the "Igor's Bookie" typo |
I soon became friendly with the warehouse boys at Transatlantic and on one visit noticed boxes of Uncle Meat stacked floor to ceiling in the storeroom. A contra deal was quickly worked out. In exchange for a selection of the latest sheet music and songbooks handled by my company (Hendrix, Beatles etc) I could pick whichever records I wanted from the Transatlantic catalogue. This arrangement went on for a while and, as well as Uncle Meat, it included LPs by Ralph McTell, The Dubliners, John Renbourn, Bert Jansch, Stray, Jody Grind, The Purple Gang, Pentangle and many others I now can't recall.
As for that carton of Mothers LPs. I kept one for myself (which I still have) and traded the rest at the Kensington Market record stall for yet more albums. Now, if all this sounds a little dodgy, in my defence I should point out this was the 60s, after all, when this kind of ducking and diving was commonplace in many companies. That doesn’t make it right, of course, but just saying.
By 1968 Frank had set up his own Bizarre label (initially distributed thru Verve-MGM and then via Reprise Records) and the albums began appearing thick and fast. In less than a year we saw Hot Rats, Burnt Weeny Sandwich, Weasels Ripped My Flesh and Chunga’s Revenge, plus the aforementioned Mothermania and The **** Of The Mothers Verve compilations, although the latter wasn’t released in the UK and was available only via the import stores.
The big one was Hot Rats. It was a huge seller in Britain, reaching the
top ten - still Frank’s highest charting UK album to this day, despite
barely scraping into the US top 200. It's also said to be the first record made using 16-track technology and the first ever jazz rock fusion album. The latter is open to debate, but it was certainly FZ's most focused work thus far and his first to appeal to a mainstream rock audience. I bought them all of course, mostly from
One Stop Records in Dean Street, or Musicland in Berwick Street, both of which
were excellent West End specialist record stores at the time.
Early UK copies of Chunga’s Revenge were issued
in a green sleeve, unlike virtually every other country, where the cover was
red. Britain eventually followed suit
and later pressings changed from green to red.
Around 1971 Verve-MGM switched UK distribution from EMI to
Polydor and the first five Mothers’ LPs (plus the Zappa solo album Lumpy
Gravy), out of print for some time, were suddenly available again in Britain, mostly
in their original US format for the first time. Freak
Out was restored to its full double album grandeur and the others
(except Mothermania) received gatefold sleeves where
appropriate. Around the same time,
thanks to the Polydor deal, we also saw a flood of Verve compilations released
in mainland Europe, notably the German double sets Mother’s Day
and Pop History Vol. 7 (although the latter had different
Volume numbers depending on the country of origin, such as New Zealand where it was designated Vol. 6, but I expect you already
knew that?)
Going off on a tangent for a moment to illustrate the EMI / Verve-MGM connection, you may remember UK copies of Pink Floyd’s 1969 Ummagumma double LP on EMI’s Harvest label featured a copy of the 1958 Gigi movie soundtrack album pictured on the front as a kind of "found object," while pressings from the US and Canada did not. It’s thought the reason for this was because Gigi was on the MGM label, which was part of the UK EMI group until 1971. This was not the case in North America where MGM was an independent, autonomous company. Capitol Records handled Harvest releases in the US, and they didn’t want another company’s album pictured on one of their sleeves, so Gigi had to go. This was sorted out in later years as the major record labels began to merge until today the Universal Music Group (UMG) owns nearly everything, including the catalogues of both EMI and MGM.
As a footnote to this, in June 2022 the Zappa Family Trust announced it had sold Frank's entire catalogue to UMG, including master tapes, song copyrights and trademarks, for a reported US$30 million.
Meanwhile, back in 1971
the albums just kept on coming. In quick succession we saw Fillmore East – June 1971, 200 Motels, Just
Another Band From LA, Waka/Jawaka and The Grand Wazoo. This required several more visits to One Stop
and / or Musicland.
This was a strange period for Zappa fans. There was a time when I rather enjoyed the juvenile locker room humour of
the “Vaudeville Band” line-up of the Mothers. Together with other like-minded FZ enthusiasts we would
quote huge chunks of “Billy The Mountain,” “The Mud Shark” and “Do You Like My
New Car?” almost as if they were vintage Monty Python sketches. But the bawdy material on Fillmore East and Just Another Band From LA has not aged particularly well and much of it seems a little puerile today. Although the music holds up perfectly,
it must be said these are not albums to play in polite company and I seem to
remember reading that even Mark and Howard later distanced themselves from
some of the material. The post Rainbow
attack albums were a different story entirely and the big band line-ups of The
Grand Wazoo and Waka/Jawaka produced some majestic music.
The Concerts
In-between
all this album buying there were the concerts.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I saw Frank play live in London,
but I know it’s well into double figures.
If everything had gone according to plan my very first Zappa concert would
have been February 8, 1971, at
the Royal Albert Hall. The Mothers were
booked to perform extracts from the film 200 Motels with the
Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. But the concert was cancelled without warning only hours before showtime after a couple of
RPO musicians walked out in protest. The
Hall's
wonderfully named letting manager, Miss Marian Herrod then declared Frank’s song lyrics to be
“obscene” and “filth for filth’s sake.”
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| The Mothers behind the Royal Albert Hall early 1971. Manager Herb Cohen in the hat |
I had tickets for that concert but back in the pre-internet dark
ages we had no way of knowing what had happened until we showed up on the night
to find hundreds of confused and dejected FZ fans milling around outside.
Frank sued the Royal Albert Hall amid legal proceedings which dragged on for
years. Even though it seemed an open and
shut case he eventually lost the claim in April 1975. Taking the "Royal" part of the venue's name rather too literally (and in typically sardonic FZ style) he vowed never to
return to Britain unless he received an apology from The Queen herself. Spoiler alert: Frank didn’t get a plea for
forgiveness from Her Late Majesty, but he did visit Blighty again, many times.
I was never
much of an outdoor concert kind of guy, so I missed The Mothers at the Bath
Festival (1970) and The Oval (1972). My
first actual Zappa concert was at the Empire Pool, Wembley on Friday, September
14, 1973. The band comprised Jean-Luc Ponty, Ruth Underwood, Ian Underwood, George Duke, Ralph Humphrey, Tom
Fowler and Bruce Fowler. Over-Nite
Sensation had been released just the week before and we were treated to songs from the upcoming Roxy And Elsewhere along with some
older material. Highlights
included “Penguin In Bondage,” “King Kong,” “Brown Shoes Don’t Make It,” “Uncle
Meat” and “Cosmik Debris.”
The upstairs
bar at the Odeon was invariably full of freaks and hippies when Zappa was playing. This was my world, and these were my people. You seldom saw them out and
about, except maybe at Camden Market or Portobello Road at weekends, but when Frank was in
town they came out of the woodwork in droves and the place was packed to the rafters with outrageously dressed longhaired
men and beautiful women in colourful velvet and silk outfits. Somehow, I always felt a little underdressed
in the Odeon bar.
Between 1977 and 1984 Frank played over 20 concerts at the
Hammersmith Odeon and in November 2010 an eponymous three CD set was issued
containing material from four 1978 shows at the venue (the basic tracks for
many of the tunes on Sheik Yerbouti were also culled
from these tapes). In fact, other than his favourite New York and LA
haunts such as the Whisky a Go Go, the Palladium and the Garrick Theatre, FZ
played Hammersmith more than any other hall.
Zappa visited
London virtually every year in the late 70s and often played multiple nights at
Hammersmith. Sometimes I saw him 2
or 3 times on each tour. For that reason,
many of the concerts have merged into each other in the memory. So, you’ll forgive me if I cherry-pick important
highlights from just a few of those shows.
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| 1982 UK tour advert - Billed simply as "Zappa" by that point |
Jesus
I’ll always remember the Hammersmith Odeon concert in January 1978 when Frank invited a bunch of audience members onstage to take part in a dance contest. This was a regular thing with Zappa. He liked to encourage audience participation at his shows and the volunteers seemingly had no qualms enduring what was basically ritual humiliation as they were instructed to fling themselves around to a jazz piece played in an impossible time signature - in this case it was “The Black Page #2.”
As the band vamped on the coda of “Titties & Beer” (this
was the era of the Zappa In New York album) Frank attempted to coax participants onstage. No easy task
with a reserved English crowd. The first
person up (and the last to leave) was of course the infamous William “Jesus”
Jellett, inveterate ligger and idiot dancer supreme.
Tall and gangly with a distinctive blonde mullet / pudding bowl
haircut, Jesus was a fixture at seemingly every gig and festival in and around
London from the 1960s to the 1990s, often dancing naked while he played his
bongos or tootled on a wooden flute.
There can be few concert goers who didn’t encounter him at one time or
other, either at various venues or on the London Underground where he would walk
up and down the train carriages offering nuts and dried fruit to bemused passengers.
Jesus can be witnessed demonstrating his terpsichorean skills
in video footage of the Cream Farewell Concert, Glastonbury
Fayre and The Stones In The Park. He was also pictured on the front of the Chemical
Brothers’ 1999 Surrender album. The cover shows him dancing ecstatically at The
Great British Music Festival at Kensington Olympia in 1976. The sleeve image is a treatment of a
photograph by Richard Young titled “Jesus Amongst the Fans.”
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| Jesus makes the cover of Surrender by the Chemical Brothers |
Frank had obviously encountered Jesus before and referred to him by name a couple of times, even before he came up on stage. Needless to say, he was the most energetic of
the volunteers, throwing himself around with gay abandon, writhing and squirming like a man possessed (which, come to think of it, he possibly
was). But when the dance contest was over Jesus seemed reluctant to leave. He was
clearly enjoying his moment in the spotlight and Zappa had to tell him more
than once to vacate the stage. He
finally jumped down triumphantly and went back to his seat amid a huge cheer from the
audience.
In the February 4, 1978, issue of the NME, journalist Charles Shaar Murray wrote about the incident. “Frank's avuncular jollity even extended as far as bringing up members of audience to dance on stage (Jesus popped up – natch – and was only induced to leave the stage with the greatest reluctance).”
Jesus shuffled off this mortal coil in 2021, aged 73. I like to imagine that somewhere in a
parallel universe he is risen, still dancing and twirling wildly while playing his
bongos, with or without his clothes. In
another time and place he might even have been signed to Frank’s Bizarre label.
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| Bongo Fury! Jesus spotted in his natural habitat |
Zappa In New York
By 1978 a
bunch of new albums had appeared.
There was Over-Nite Sensation, Apostrophe, One Size
Fits All, Bongo Fury and Zoot Allures. As mentioned in an earlier blog piece HERE my great mate Charlie sold records from a stall in the Brick Lane Market. One day he called asking if I would
like a copy of the latest Zappa album, which he assured me was not yet on sale
in the shops. Charlie, are you
kidding? Of course I would.
Charlie was
something of an Arthur Daley character with fingers in many pies and I suspected
much of his stock was not entirely kosher, if I may use that term. But when a new, unreleased FZ album was up
for grabs, all bets were off. The
opportunity was too good to pass up, so I made a special trip to the East End
of London, not somewhere I often went willingly in the 70s. The record turned out to be an early UK version of Zappa In New York containing material which would soon be deleted.
One of the
longest tracks, the 11 minute “Punky’s Whips” disappeared from later pressings and some of the other cuts were re-sequenced. "Titties & Beer" remained on the album, but it was edited to
remove references to Edwin "Punky" Meadows, guitarist with American glam rock band
Angel. Apparently Punky himself had no
problem with the songs and, in fact, was greatly flattered to receive such attention. But Warner Brothers, distributors
of Frank’s DiscReet label, feared the lyrics may result in an expensive and
damaging lawsuit.
So, I ended
up with the rarest, most desirable version of the album and I believe only a couple of thousand copies were
sold before it was withdrawn. The “clean” version went on sale a few weeks later minus “Punky’s Whips” and within weeks
uncensored copies were selling for huge amounts in the small ads. It was 1991 before the full version of the
album became available again, this time on CD. But even then, the re-instated cut of “Punky’s Whips” was a different recording.
Once again
Charlie had excelled himself. But I
never did find out where he got that box of unreleased copies of Zappa In
New York from.
Mr. Smothers
After the December 1971 Rainbow Theatre incident in which Frank was attacked and seriously injured, he began
to employ bodyguards when on tour. That’s
where John Smothers enters the Zappa story.
An ex-army man built like the proverbial brick outhouse, he was also
known as “Bald-headed John” or more often, simply, “Mr. Smothers.”
The stage
door to the Hammersmith Odeon was (and probably still is) situated to the right of the
building down a narrow laneway. Ever the Zappa fanboy, I’d sometimes
arrive at the concerts early to see if Frank or any band members were around following sound check. I chatted to Ike Willis, Arthur Barrow and
Tommy Mars a few times, but FZ proved elusive.
Then, one afternoon around February 1979 I wandered down the lane to hear raised voices. There was an argument going on. The imposing figure of Mr Smothers stood blocking the stage door while an agitated figure appeared to be remonstrating with him. “I keep telling you” the man spluttered, “I’m Erroneous. Let me in. Frank definitely wants to see me.”
“Erroneous” was the alias used by bassist Alex Dmochowski when he played on the Waka/Jawaka, The Grand Wazoo and Apostrophe albums in 1972. He’d previously been a member of the Aynsley Dunbar Retaliation and in early 1970 briefly passed through John Mayall's band before moving to America. Dmochowski is also credited on records by Black Sabbath, Michael Chapman and Peter Green. He also played at least one gig with Green, as evidenced by this ad from Sounds.
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| From Sounds, December 1970 |
Whether this chap was really who he professed to be or possibly an erroneous Erroneous (a fraud, if you will) I couldn’t say. Whoever he was, his claim was just this side of obscure enough to be credible. After all, none but the most scholarly Zappa aficionado would have been familiar with the bass player from The Grand Wazoo.
But Smothers
was having none of it and he was getting angrier by the second. “You ain’t coming in here man and that’s all
there is to it!” he thundered. “But I really
need to see Frank!” the interloper insisted weakly.
At this point he made a lunge for the door, trying
to push past Mr. Smothers. Big
mistake. Smothers was not a man to be trifled with. He grabbed the imposter, spun him around and
pushing one arm up his back, police style, threw him out in the laneway where
he hit the ground. It was a slick move, with
just the right amount of force, proving how good he was at his job.
Other than a bruised ego the charlatan was seemingly unhurt. He picked himself up and shuffled away, calling back pathetically over his shoulder “I’m telling you; I really am Erroneous.” Let’s be honest, he probably wasn’t Erroneous, but I couldn’t help feeling a little sorry for him. His carefully devised plan to meet Frank had crashed and burned. An ineffectual force had come up against a totally immovable object - Mr. Smothers.
Smothers
would sometimes chat to the fans at the stage door and was genuinely friendly
if you didn’t give him any trouble. But
after witnessing the Erroneous Incident (as it came to be known), I determined
he was in no mood to talk to us about Frank on that particular day.
John Smothers acted as Frank’s bodyguard
from 1972 until his retirement in 1984. He was name-checked in the Joe's Garage song "Dong Work For Yuda" and appeared in the film Baby Snakes. Smothers died in 2019 aged 89.
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| Mr. Smothers keeps an eye on Frank |
Dweezil
Another memorable Hammersmith show was June 18, 1982, when Frank
brought his 12-year-old son Dweezil out onstage. Mentored by Steve Vai (then resident “stunt
guitarist” in the Zappa band), the lad was still in short pants and had toy
rubber monsters glued onto his heavy metal style pointy guitar. The instrument almost certainly started life as a Charvel Star, a gift from Eddie Van Halen, although after replacing the neck Dweezil later often referred to it as a Kramer. In 1982 the guitar was cream with an orange lightning bolt, but later photos show it refinished in red with the trademark Schwinn bicycle style white stripes in homage to EVH himself.
Dweezil and Vai duetted on the twin guitar shred fest “Stevie’s
Spanking” and the audience gave one of the loudest cheers of the evening about four minutes into the song when young
Zappa Jr stepped forward to solo. Meanwhile, Frank sat on a stool off to the
side, calmly smoking a cigarette (as was his habit) proudly watching this
unfold.
It was the
first time Dweezil had ever played live onstage anywhere. He told the podcast Produce Like a Pro “That
was a great experience. I was so excited
to have been asked to play but I was incredibly nervous. Since I could only really play the lead in
the key of A, Frank devised a hand signal for the band to modulate the song “Stevie’s
Spanking” down to A from its original key of B.”
The band played three shows at the Odeon on June 18 and 19,
but Dweezil appeared only at the first. Parts of this performance of “Stevie’s
Spanking” (minus Dweezil) ended up on You Can’t Do That On Stage Anymore
Vol.4 released in 1991.
The first time Frank and Dweezil played guitar together
onstage was December 23, 1984, at the Universal Amphitheatre in Los Angeles
when they performed “Sharleena” during the encore. This became available as a flexi disc in the
January 1987 issue of Guitar Player magazine. A longer version later appeared on You
Can’t Do That On Stage Anymore Sampler (1988) and the same performance was
also included on You Can’t Do That On Stage Anymore Vol.3 (1989). The second encore at the same show saw father
and son duet on “Whipping Post.” This
performance ended up on the 1986 CD Does Humor Belong In Music?
Wembley Again
On Tuesday, June 17, 1980, I was back at Wembley for my second Zappa concert at the famous venue. The name of the hall had been changed in February 1978 and the Empire Pool was now re-branded as Wembley Arena. Kicking off with “Chunga’s
Revenge” the set list featured a bunch of early Mothers’ songs plus selections
from Sheik Yerbouti, Joe’s Garage and the upcoming Tinsel
Town Rebellion and You Are What You Is albums. The encore was “The Illinois Enema Bandit”
from Zappa In New York.
It was common to spot famous faces from the world of
music in the audience paying homage to Frank at these concerts, but at Wembley my girlfriend
was beside herself with excitement when she noticed actor Jonathan Caplan seated directly in
front of us. You’re probably asking, who the hell is Jonathan Caplan? He played Elsie Tanner’s grandson
Martin Cheveski in the world’s longest-running TV soap opera Coronation
Street, that’s who! Do try and keep up. Young and
handsome with a great haircut, Caplan appeared in the show for less than a
year, but his 1980 stint on the Weatherfield cobbles exactly coincided with the Zappa
concert. He later appeared in episodes of Dr.
Who and The Young Ones.
The Final Hammersmith
Concerts
Frank played
three shows over two nights at the Hammersmith Odeon on September 24 and 25,
1984. I saw two of them and, sadly, not
only were they his last ever shows there, but also my own final Zappa
concerts. Recent albums around that
period included Ship Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch, The Man
From Utopia and Baby Snakes, with Them or Us, Thing-Fish, The Perfect Stranger and Francesco only weeks away.
There was no
hotshot “stunt guitarist” on this tour, Frank handled all lead guitar duties
himself. The band consisted of veterans Ike
Willis and Ray White, plus new boys Scott Thunes (bass), Chad Wackerman (drums),
Allan Zavod (keyboards) and Bobby Martin (vocals/keyboards).
Before a
note was played at the second of two concerts on September 24, Frank treated us to the
“Roland Hyams Rap,” the sad but true story of a failed publicity man. Hyams was hired to fly a group of
British journalists out to Brussels to cover the Zappa show on September 7. There followed a series of comical mishaps resulting
in the scribes not reaching the concert until the encore. They confessed to Frank that, thanks
to Roland, they had spent the previous night at a local brothel where
they convinced the ladies they were members of his band. “So that gives you a
rough idea of what impresses a Belgian whore” quipped FZ.
Zappa was
particularly outraged because Hyams had already been paid upfront for the job and was now
refusing to give the money back. “So,
Roland, you’re in some deep shit, buddy” he concluded ominously before kicking off proceedings with “Chunga’s Revenge.”
For almost
40 years starting in the mid-70s, Roland Hyams worked for (and later owned)
several PR companies, including Work Hard PR, Modern Publicity and Rock Hard PR. During that time, he represented many heavy
metal and rock acts including Iron Maiden, W.A.S.P., The Almighty, Big Country,
The Stranglers, Helloween, Glenn Hughes, Bad Religion and Bruce Dickinson. In 1984, along with the Zappa debacle Hyams
also had the distinction of being fired as Ozzy Osbourne’s publicist by Sharon
Osbourne herself. Hyams died in May
2022.
We heard many
unreleased songs during the show, including “Truck Driver Divorce,” “Hot Plate
Heaven At The Green Hotel,” “The Evil Prince”, “Ride My Face To Chicago,” “He's
So Gay,” “Carol You Fool,” “Chana In De Bushwop”, “Let's Move To Cleveland,” “The
Closer You Are,” “No No Cherry,” “Baby Take Your Teeth Out,” and “Whipping Post.” All of these would later show up on the
albums Them Or Us, Thing-Fish, Does Humor Belong In Music, You Can’t Do
That On Stage Anymore Vol.3, and You Can’t Do That On Stage
Anymore Vol.4.
Among numerous
highlights were Chad Wackerman’s electronic drum solo on “Let’s Move To
Cleveland” (such hi-tech wizardry was quite a novelty in 1984) and Bobby
Martin’s astonishing vocal power on the cover of the Allman Brothers’ “Whipping
Post.” Also noteworthy was Scott Thunes’
Stiff Records t-shirt featuring the label's pithy slogan - “If It Ain’t
Stiff, It Ain’t Worth A Fuck.”
The
following night, September 25, we heard a very similar set, with the addition
of “Zoot Allures,” “Penguin In Bondage,” and “The Illinois Enema Bandit.” My companion for this show was Andrew
Cameron, a professional photographer and assistant to the great rock lensman
Fin Costello. Andy (“Cammy” to his
friends) worked with Fin on many famous photo shoots including album covers by Ozzy
Osbourne, Metallica and Motorhead. Under
his own name Andy shot record sleeves for Genesis, Feeder and Radiohead.
I’ve seen many memorable marquee signs out the front of the Hammersmith Odeon over the years. “London Welcomes Frank Zappa” may not have quite
the same historical impact as, say, “From 8pm We’re All Working Together With David Bowie”
(1973) or “Finally London Is Ready For Bruce Springsteen (1975), but for
Frank’s final appearance at the iconic venue, it seemed absolutely
perfect. I asked Andy to take a few
shots of the illuminated signage as we arrived.
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| Hammersmith Odeon, September 25, 1984 Photo: Andrew Cameron |
We were
seated on the front row of the balcony and Cammy fired off a couple of rolls of
film with his expensive Nikon SLR. He wasn’t happy with them,
claiming we were too far away to get the best results even with a zoom lens, so he gave the
negatives to me. Some of those photos are featured here. Tragically, Andy passed away in January 2006.
The same 1984 band was featured on Zappa’s initial CD-only release Does Humor Belong In Music? released in
early 1986. It was the first Compact
Disc I ever bought, and I didn’t even own a player at that point! I had a nagging feeling that if I didn’t pick it up right away, the CD might be deleted and disappear just as vinyl records had a
habit of doing. Ironically, a couple of
decades later, CDs did start to disappear, while vinyl miraculously rose
from the dead.
 |
| Hammersmith Odeon, Sept 25, 1984 Photo: Andrew Cameron |
Meanwhile, Does Humor Belong In Music? not only remained on catalogue, but in 1995 it was even reissued and revised with a new (and much better) Cal Schenkel designed
sleeve. Sections of “Zoot Allures” and
“Trouble Every Day” contained therein were taken from the Hammersmith concert
on September 25. NB: At some point
during the transition from vinyl to CD the song title “Trouble Comin’ Every
Day” had jettisoned the word “Comin’”.
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| Does Humor Belong In Music? 1st version |
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| Does Humor Belong In Music? 2nd version with Cal Schenkel sleeve |
1984 may have been my last Zappa show at Hammersmith, but I later saw many other unlikely concerts there, ranging from thrash merchants Slayer (1991) to comedian Ricky Gervais (2007) and much else in-between. By this point, thanks to various sponsorship deals, the venue had been re-named a few times (Labatt's Apollo, HMV Apollo etc) but to some of us it will remain, always and forever, simply, the Hammersmith Odeon.
I was out of
the country in 1988, so missed Zappa’s UK dates on that ill-fated final world tour (he played Brighton, Birmingham and two shows at Wembley). But we certainly weren’t short of product, what with the full Barcelona concert from May 17 turning up in
high quality video from Spanish TV, plus live CDs aplenty including Broadway
The Hard Way (1988), The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life
(1991), Make A Jazz Noise Here (1991) and Zappa ’88: The
Last US Show (2021).
Towards the
end his life Frank oversaw the six-volume / 12 CD career-spanning live set You Can’t Do That On Stage
Anymore (1988-92), Playground Psychotics
(1992), Ahead Of Their Time (1993) and, finally, The Yellow
Shark (1993). I managed keep up
with most of the posthumous releases until around 2016. The last physical CD I bought was the Apostrophe
re-boot The Crux Of The Biscuit which I reviewed HERE. After that, it was downloads and streaming all
the way.
Of course, I
always made the effort to see Dweezil’s band Zappa Plays Zappa whenever they
came to town. It was a constant reminder of just how life-affirming Frank’s
music is, especially when treated with such care and respect.
One question I’m often asked by FZ newbies is “Where do
I start with Frank? What are his best
albums?” With such a monster back
catalogue it must be baffling for those new to the world of Zappa. It’s an almost impossible question to answer. The standard reply is usually
the holy trinity of FZ classics: One Size Fits All, Apostrophe
and Hot Rats. But that’s a
lazy, simplistic answer. He made many records the equal of those three.
What about the Avant Garde potpourri that is Uncle Meat? Or the satirical pop / psych masterpiece We’re
Only In It For The Money? Or the
smutty rock genius of Over-Nite Sensation? Or the fretboard wizardry of both Shut Up 'n Play Yer Guitar and Guitar? Or the silky big band jazz of The Grand
Wazoo? Or the brilliant doo wop pastiche
Cruising With Ruben & the Jets? And on and on it goes.
I could pick a dozen personal favourites, but there’s one album I seem to play more than the others. It may not be everyone’s first choice, but I never grow tired of You Are What You Is from 1981. Bordering on heavy rock (check out the riff-tastic "Doreen" and the title track) it features some of Frank’s greatest guitar work combined with a bunch of his finest compositions. It’s one of those textbook Zappa albums that hits the sweet spot between dark, caustic humour and tremendous songwriting / musicianship. Lyrically, YAWYI is right up there with his best work too: he takes acerbic swipes at religion ("Dumb All Over," "Heavenly Bank Account,") teenage angst, suicide, the superficial NYC disco scene ("Mudd Club"), identity politics and plenty more. All of it hard-hitting while being hugely funny too. It's a rare skill and Frank was an absolute master of it.
There’s
a hell of a lot going on with this album, with stuff flying in from all
angles and there’s barely a second when
something clever and interesting is not happening sonically and lyrically. But Frank’s brilliant production prevents it all
from becoming too cluttered. Every instrumental overdub
and vocal line shines through clear as a bell.
It's
a fabulous band too, with the great Ike Willis and Ray White on vocals, Steve
Vai (stunt guitar), Tommy Mars (keyboards), Arthur Barrow (bass) and David
Logeman (drums). Add to this the sadly
recently departed Ed Mann (percussion), plus veteran Mothers Jimmy Carl Black
and Motorhead Sherwood.
If you're not familiar with this album, do yourself a favour and check it out. You'll love it, it's a way of life.
So,
those are just a few random notes and personal memories of the irrepressible and irreplaceable Frank
Zappa. I could have rambled on a while
longer. I didn’t mention the Hammersmith show where we saw guitarist Adrian Belew jogging around the stage in his brown boiler
suit doing warm-up calisthenics before the concert began, for example.
Or
the time Tommy Mars and a couple of other band members were busted for drug possession at
their hotel. The story made the London evening newspapers, and at one point it looked as if the concerts may be cancelled as a result. We can only imagine Frank's response to this. No doubt the famously anti-drugs Zappa handed the culprits the Mother of all bollockings. Not because he wanted to police their free time, but putting the tour in jeopardy would have been unthinkable - not to mention financially disastrous. Thankfully the shows went ahead as planned. But those and many other FZ memories will have to
wait for another time.
It only remains to say that there has never been anyone in popular music who came close to equaling Zappa's prodigious output, his phenomenal work rate, his razor-sharp wit or his outrageously creative genius. And in the modern era where computers, AI and autotune rule the world, I seriously doubt there ever will be. He existed entirely and gloriously outside the orthodoxy of the rock tradition. He could do it all and he did it in style.
I
need to thank Andrew Greenaway for his help and inspiration and for jogging my
fading memory on occasion. Check out
Andrew’s excellent webpage for all your Zappa requirements: https://www.zappanews.co.uk/. Or follow
him on Twitter / X @idiotbastard.
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