The upstairs
bar at the Odeon was invariably full of freaks and hippies when Zappa was playing. This was my world, and these were my people. You seldom saw them out and
about, except maybe at Camden Market or Portobello Road at weekends, but when Frank was in
town they came out of the woodwork in droves and the place was packed to the rafters with outrageously dressed longhaired
men and beautiful women in colourful velvet and silk outfits. Somehow, I always felt a little underdressed
in the Odeon bar.
Between 1977 and 1984 Frank played over 20 concerts at the
Hammersmith Odeon and in November 2010 an eponymous three CD set was issued
containing material from four 1978 shows at the venue (the basic tracks for
many of the tunes on Sheik Yerbouti were also culled
from these tapes). In fact, other than his favourite New York and LA
haunts such as the Whisky a Go Go, the Palladium and the Garrick Theatre, FZ
played Hammersmith more than any other hall.
Zappa visited
London virtually every year in the late 70s and often played multiple nights at
Hammersmith. Sometimes I saw him 2
or 3 times on each tour. For that reason,
many of the concerts have merged into each other in the memory. So, you’ll forgive me if I cherry-pick important
highlights from just a few of those shows.
 |
| 1982 UK tour advert - Billed simply as "Zappa" by that point |
Jesus
I’ll always remember the Hammersmith Odeon concert in January
1978 when Frank invited a bunch of audience members onstage to take part in a
dance contest. This was a regular thing
with Zappa. He liked to encourage
audience participation at his shows and the volunteers seemingly had
no qualms enduring what was basically ritual humiliation as they were
instructed to fling themselves around to a jazz piece played in an impossible
time signature - in this case it was “The Black Page #2.”
As the band vamped on the coda of “Titties & Beer” (this
was the era of the Zappa In New York album) Frank attempted to coax participants onstage. No easy task
with a reserved English crowd. The first
person up (and the last to leave) was of course the infamous William “Jesus”
Jellett, inveterate ligger and idiot dancer supreme.
Tall and gangly with a distinctive blonde mullet / pudding bowl
haircut, Jesus was a fixture at seemingly every gig and festival in and around
London from the 1960s to the 1990s, often dancing naked while he played his
bongos or tootled on a wooden flute.
There can be few concert goers who didn’t encounter him at one time or
other, either at various venues or on the London Underground where he would walk
up and down the train carriages offering nuts and dried fruit to bemused passengers.
Jesus can be witnessed demonstrating his terpsichorean skills
in video footage of the Cream Farewell Concert, Glastonbury
Fayre and The Stones In The Park. He was also pictured on the front of the Chemical
Brothers’ 1999 Surrender album. The cover shows him dancing ecstatically at The
Great British Music Festival at Kensington Olympia in 1976. The sleeve image is a treatment of a
photograph by Richard Young titled “Jesus Amongst the Fans.”
 |
| Jesus makes the cover of Surrender by the Chemical Brothers |
Frank had obviously encountered Jesus before and referred to him by name a couple of times, even before he came up on stage. Needless to say, he was the most energetic of
the volunteers, throwing himself around with gay abandon, writhing and squirming like a man possessed (which, come to think of it, he possibly
was). But when the dance contest was over Jesus seemed reluctant to leave. He was
clearly enjoying his moment in the spotlight and Zappa had to tell him more
than once to vacate the stage. He
finally jumped down triumphantly and went back to his seat amid a huge cheer from the
audience.
In the February
4, 1978, issue of the NME, journalist Charles Shaar Murray wrote about the incident. “Frank's
avuncular jollity even extended as far as bringing up members of audience to
dance on stage (Jesus popped up – natch – and was only induced to leave the
stage with the greatest reluctance).”
Jesus shuffled off this mortal coil in 2021, aged 73. I like to imagine that somewhere in a
parallel universe he is risen, still dancing and twirling wildly while playing his
bongos, with or without his clothes. In
another time and place he might even have been signed to Frank’s Bizarre label.
 |
| Bongo Fury! Jesus spotted in his natural habitat |
Zappa In New York
By 1978 a
bunch of new albums had appeared.
There was Over-Nite Sensation, Apostrophe, One Size
Fits All, Bongo Fury and Zoot Allures. As mentioned in an earlier blog piece HERE my great mate Charlie sold records from a stall in the Brick Lane Market. One day he called asking if I would
like a copy of the latest Zappa album, which he assured me was not yet on sale
in the shops. Charlie, are you
kidding? Of course I would.
Charlie was
something of an Arthur Daley character with fingers in many pies and I suspected
much of his stock was not entirely kosher, if I may use that term. But when a new, unreleased FZ album was up
for grabs, all bets were off. The
opportunity was too good to pass up, so I made a special trip to the East End
of London, not somewhere I often went willingly in the 70s. The record turned out to be an early UK version of Zappa In New York containing material which would soon be deleted.
One of the
longest tracks, the 11 minute “Punky’s Whips” disappeared from later pressings and some of the other cuts were re-sequenced. "Titties & Beer" remained on the album, but it was edited to
remove references to Edwin "Punky" Meadows, guitarist with American glam rock band
Angel. Apparently Punky himself had no
problem with the songs and, in fact, was greatly flattered to receive such attention. But Warner Brothers, distributors
of Frank’s DiscReet label, feared the lyrics may result in an expensive and
damaging lawsuit.
So, I ended
up with the rarest, most desirable version of the album and I believe only a couple of thousand copies were
sold before it was withdrawn. The “clean” version went on sale a few weeks later minus “Punky’s Whips” and within weeks
uncensored copies were selling for huge amounts in the small ads. It was 1991 before the full version of the
album became available again, this time on CD. But even then, the re-instated cut of “Punky’s Whips” was a different recording.
Once again
Charlie had excelled himself. But I
never did find out where he got that box of unreleased copies of Zappa In
New York from.
Mr. Smothers
After the December 1971 Rainbow Theatre incident in which Frank was attacked and seriously injured, he began
to employ bodyguards when on tour. That’s
where John Smothers enters the Zappa story.
An ex-army man built like the proverbial brick outhouse, he was also
known as “Bald-headed John” or more often, simply, “Mr. Smothers.”
The stage
door to the Hammersmith Odeon was (and probably still is) situated to the right of the
building down a narrow laneway. Ever the Zappa fanboy, I’d sometimes
arrive at the concerts early to see if Frank or any band members were around following sound check. I chatted to Ike Willis, Arthur Barrow and
Tommy Mars a few times, but FZ proved elusive.
Then, one afternoon around
February 1979 I wandered down the lane to hear raised voices. There was an argument going on. The imposing figure of Mr Smothers stood
blocking the stage door while an agitated figure appeared to be remonstrating with him. “I keep telling you” the man spluttered, “I’m Erroneous. Let me in. Frank definitely wants to see me.”
“Erroneous” was the alias used by bassist Alex Dmochowski when he played on the Waka/Jawaka, The Grand Wazoo and Apostrophe albums in 1972. He’d previously been a member of the Aynsley
Dunbar Retaliation and in early 1970 briefly passed through John Mayall's band before moving to America. Dmochowski is also credited on records by Black Sabbath, Michael Chapman and Peter Green. He also played at least one gig with Green, as evidenced by this ad from Sounds.
 |
| From Sounds, December 1970 |
Whether this
chap was really who he professed to be or possibly an erroneous Erroneous (a fraud, if
you will) I couldn’t say. Whoever he was, his claim was just this
side of obscure enough to be credible. After
all, none but the most scholarly Zappa aficionado would have been familiar with the bass
player from The Grand Wazoo.
But Smothers
was having none of it and he was getting angrier by the second. “You ain’t coming in here man and that’s all
there is to it!” he thundered. “But I really
need to see Frank!” the interloper insisted weakly.
At this point he made a lunge for the door, trying
to push past Mr. Smothers. Big
mistake. Smothers was not a man to be trifled with. He grabbed the imposter, spun him around and
pushing one arm up his back, police style, threw him out in the laneway where
he hit the ground. It was a slick move, with
just the right amount of force, proving how good he was at his job.
Other than a
bruised ego the charlatan was seemingly unhurt.
He picked himself up and shuffled away, calling back pathetically over his shoulder “I’m telling you; I really am
Erroneous.” Let’s be honest, he probably
wasn’t Erroneous, but I couldn’t help feeling a little sorry for him. His carefully devised plan to meet Frank
had crashed and burned. An ineffectual force had come up against a totally immovable object - Mr. Smothers.
Smothers
would sometimes chat to the fans at the stage door and was genuinely friendly
if you didn’t give him any trouble. But
after witnessing the Erroneous Incident (as it came to be known), I determined
he was in no mood to talk to us about Frank on that particular day.
John Smothers acted as Frank’s bodyguard
from 1972 until his retirement in 1984. He was name-checked in the Joe's Garage song "Dong Work For Yuda" and appeared in the film Baby Snakes. Smothers died in 2019 aged 89.
 |
| Mr. Smothers keeps an eye on Frank |
Dweezil
Another memorable Hammersmith show was June 18, 1982, when Frank
brought his 12-year-old son Dweezil out onstage. Mentored by Steve Vai (then resident “stunt
guitarist” in the Zappa band), the lad was still in short pants and had toy
rubber monsters glued onto his heavy metal style pointy guitar. The instrument almost certainly started life as a Charvel Star, a gift from Eddie Van Halen, although after replacing the neck Dweezil later often referred to it as a Kramer. In 1982 the guitar was cream with an orange lightning bolt, but later photos show it refinished in red with the trademark Schwinn bicycle style white stripes in homage to EVH himself.
Dweezil and Vai duetted on the twin guitar shred fest “Stevie’s
Spanking” and the audience gave one of the loudest cheers of the evening about four minutes into the song when young
Zappa Jr stepped forward to solo. Meanwhile, Frank sat on a stool off to the
side, calmly smoking a cigarette (as was his habit) proudly watching this
unfold.
It was the
first time Dweezil had ever played live onstage anywhere. He told the podcast Produce Like a Pro “That
was a great experience. I was so excited
to have been asked to play but I was incredibly nervous. Since I could only really play the lead in
the key of A, Frank devised a hand signal for the band to modulate the song “Stevie’s
Spanking” down to A from its original key of B.”
The band played three shows at the Odeon on June 18 and 19,
but Dweezil appeared only at the first. Parts of this performance of “Stevie’s
Spanking” (minus Dweezil) ended up on You Can’t Do That On Stage Anymore
Vol.4 released in 1991.
The first time Frank and Dweezil played guitar together
onstage was December 23, 1984, at the Universal Amphitheatre in Los Angeles
when they performed “Sharleena” during the encore. This became available as a flexi disc in the
January 1987 issue of Guitar Player magazine. A longer version later appeared on You
Can’t Do That On Stage Anymore Sampler (1988) and the same performance was
also included on You Can’t Do That On Stage Anymore Vol.3 (1989). The second encore at the same show saw father
and son duet on “Whipping Post.” This
performance ended up on the 1986 CD Does Humor Belong In Music?
Wembley Again
On Tuesday, June 17, 1980, I was back at Wembley for my second Zappa concert at the famous venue. The name of the hall had been changed in February 1978 and the Empire Pool was now re-branded as Wembley Arena. Kicking off with “Chunga’s
Revenge” the set list featured a bunch of early Mothers’ songs plus selections
from Sheik Yerbouti, Joe’s Garage and the upcoming Tinsel
Town Rebellion and You Are What You Is albums. The encore was “The Illinois Enema Bandit”
from Zappa In New York.
It was common to spot famous faces from the world of
music in the audience paying homage to Frank at these concerts, but at Wembley my girlfriend
was beside herself with excitement when she noticed actor Jonathan Caplan seated directly in
front of us. You’re probably asking, who the hell is Jonathan Caplan? He played Elsie Tanner’s grandson
Martin Cheveski in the world’s longest-running TV soap opera Coronation
Street, that’s who! Do try and keep up. Young and
handsome with a great haircut, Caplan appeared in the show for less than a
year, but his 1980 stint on the Weatherfield cobbles exactly coincided with the Zappa
concert. He later appeared in episodes of Dr.
Who and The Young Ones.
The Final Hammersmith
Concerts
Frank played
three shows over two nights at the Hammersmith Odeon on September 24 and 25,
1984. I saw two of them and, sadly, not
only were they his last ever shows there, but also my own final Zappa
concerts. Recent albums around that
period included Ship Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch, The Man
From Utopia and Baby Snakes, with Them or Us, Thing-Fish, The Perfect Stranger and Francesco only weeks away.
There was no
hotshot “stunt guitarist” on this tour, Frank handled all lead guitar duties
himself. The band consisted of veterans Ike
Willis and Ray White, plus new boys Scott Thunes (bass), Chad Wackerman (drums),
Allan Zavod (keyboards) and Bobby Martin (vocals/keyboards).
Before a
note was played at the second of two concerts on September 24, Frank treated us to the
“Roland Hyams Rap,” the sad but true story of a failed publicity man. Hyams was hired to fly a group of
British journalists out to Brussels to cover the Zappa show on September 7. There followed a series of comical mishaps resulting
in the scribes not reaching the concert until the encore. They confessed to Frank that, thanks
to Roland, they had spent the previous night at a local brothel where
they convinced the ladies they were members of his band. “So that gives you a
rough idea of what impresses a Belgian whore” quipped FZ.
Zappa was
particularly outraged because Hyams had already been paid upfront for the job and was now
refusing to give the money back. “So,
Roland, you’re in some deep shit, buddy” he concluded ominously before kicking off proceedings with “Chunga’s Revenge.”
For almost
40 years starting in the mid-70s, Roland Hyams worked for (and later owned)
several PR companies, including Work Hard PR, Modern Publicity and Rock Hard PR. During that time, he represented many heavy
metal and rock acts including Iron Maiden, W.A.S.P., The Almighty, Big Country,
The Stranglers, Helloween, Glenn Hughes, Bad Religion and Bruce Dickinson. In 1984, along with the Zappa debacle Hyams
also had the distinction of being fired as Ozzy Osbourne’s publicist by Sharon
Osbourne herself. Hyams died in May
2022.
We heard many
unreleased songs during the show, including “Truck Driver Divorce,” “Hot Plate
Heaven At The Green Hotel,” “The Evil Prince”, “Ride My Face To Chicago,” “He's
So Gay,” “Carol You Fool,” “Chana In De Bushwop”, “Let's Move To Cleveland,” “The
Closer You Are,” “No No Cherry,” “Baby Take Your Teeth Out,” and “Whipping Post.” All of these would later show up on the
albums Them Or Us, Thing-Fish, Does Humor Belong In Music, You Can’t Do
That On Stage Anymore Vol.3, and You Can’t Do That On Stage
Anymore Vol.4.
Among numerous
highlights were Chad Wackerman’s electronic drum solo on “Let’s Move To
Cleveland” (such hi-tech wizardry was quite a novelty in 1984) and Bobby
Martin’s astonishing vocal power on the cover of the Allman Brothers’ “Whipping
Post.” Also noteworthy was Scott Thunes’
Stiff Records t-shirt featuring the label's pithy slogan - “If It Ain’t
Stiff, It Ain’t Worth A Fuck.”
The
following night, September 25, we heard a very similar set, with the addition
of “Zoot Allures,” “Penguin In Bondage,” and “The Illinois Enema Bandit.” My companion for this show was Andrew
Cameron, a professional photographer and assistant to the great rock lensman
Fin Costello. Andy (“Cammy” to his
friends) worked with Fin on many famous photo shoots including album covers by Ozzy
Osbourne, Metallica and Motorhead. Under
his own name Andy shot record sleeves for Genesis, Feeder and Radiohead.
I’ve seen many memorable marquee signs out the front of the Hammersmith Odeon over the years. “London Welcomes Frank Zappa” may not have quite
the same historical impact as, say, “From 8pm We’re All Working Together With David Bowie”
(1973) or “Finally London Is Ready For Bruce Springsteen (1975), but for
Frank’s final appearance at the iconic venue, it seemed absolutely
perfect. I asked Andy to take a few
shots of the illuminated signage as we arrived.
 |
| Hammersmith Odeon, September 25, 1984 Photo: Andrew Cameron |
We were
seated on the front row of the balcony and Cammy fired off a couple of rolls of
film with his expensive Nikon SLR. He wasn’t happy with them,
claiming we were too far away to get the best results even with a zoom lens, so he gave the
negatives to me. Some of those photos are featured here. Tragically, Andy passed away in January 2006.
The same 1984 band was featured on Zappa’s initial CD-only release Does Humor Belong In Music? released in
early 1986. It was the first Compact
Disc I ever bought, and I didn’t even own a player at that point! I had a nagging feeling that if I didn’t pick it up right away, the CD might be deleted and disappear just as vinyl records had a
habit of doing. Ironically, a couple of
decades later, CDs did start to disappear, while vinyl miraculously rose
from the dead.
 |
| Hammersmith Odeon, Sept 25, 1984 Photo: Andrew Cameron |
Meanwhile, Does Humor Belong In Music? not only remained on catalogue, but in 1995 it was even reissued and revised with a new (and much better) Cal Schenkel designed
sleeve. Sections of “Zoot Allures” and
“Trouble Every Day” contained therein were taken from the Hammersmith concert
on September 25. NB: At some point
during the transition from vinyl to CD the song title “Trouble Comin’ Every
Day” had jettisoned the word “Comin’”.
 |
| Does Humor Belong In Music? 1st version |
 |
| Does Humor Belong In Music? 2nd version with Cal Schenkel sleeve |
1984 may have been my last Zappa show at Hammersmith, but I later saw many other unlikely concerts there, ranging from thrash merchants Slayer (1991) to comedian Ricky Gervais (2007) and much else in-between. By this point, thanks to various sponsorship deals, the venue had been re-named a few times (Labatt's Apollo, HMV Apollo etc) but to some of us it will remain, always and forever, simply, the Hammersmith Odeon.
I was out of
the country in 1988, so missed Zappa’s UK dates on that ill-fated final world tour (he played Brighton, Birmingham and two shows at Wembley). But we certainly weren’t short of product, what with the full Barcelona concert from May 17 turning up in
high quality video from Spanish TV, plus live CDs aplenty including Broadway
The Hard Way (1988), The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life
(1991), Make A Jazz Noise Here (1991) and Zappa ’88: The
Last US Show (2021).
Towards the
end his life Frank oversaw the six-volume / 12 CD career-spanning live set You Can’t Do That On Stage
Anymore (1988-92), Playground Psychotics
(1992), Ahead Of Their Time (1993) and, finally, The Yellow
Shark (1993). I managed keep up
with most of the posthumous releases until around 2016. The last physical CD I bought was the Apostrophe
re-boot The Crux Of The Biscuit which I reviewed HERE. After that, it was downloads and streaming all
the way.
Of course, I
always made the effort to see Dweezil’s band Zappa Plays Zappa whenever they
came to town. It was a constant reminder of just how life-affirming Frank’s
music is, especially when treated with such care and respect.
One question I’m often asked by FZ newbies is “Where do
I start with Frank? What are his best
albums?” With such a monster back
catalogue it must be baffling for those new to the world of Zappa. It’s an almost impossible question to answer. The standard reply is usually
the holy trinity of FZ classics: One Size Fits All, Apostrophe
and Hot Rats. But that’s a
lazy, simplistic answer. He made many records the equal of those three.
What about the Avant Garde potpourri that is Uncle Meat? Or the satirical pop / psych masterpiece We’re
Only In It For The Money? Or the
smutty rock genius of Over-Nite Sensation? Or the fretboard wizardry of both Shut Up 'n Play Yer Guitar and Guitar? Or the silky big band jazz of The Grand
Wazoo? Or the brilliant doo wop pastiche
Cruising With Ruben & the Jets? And on and on it goes.
I could pick a dozen personal favourites, but there’s
one album I seem to play more than the others. It may not be everyone’s first choice, but I
never grow tired of You Are What You Is from 1981. Bordering on heavy rock (check out the riff-tastic "Doreen" and the title track) it features some of
Frank’s greatest guitar work combined with a bunch of his finest compositions. It’s one of those textbook Zappa albums that hits
the sweet spot between dark, caustic humour and tremendous
songwriting / musicianship. Lyrically, YAWYI
is right up there with his best work too: he takes acerbic swipes at religion ("Dumb All Over," "Heavenly Bank Account,") teenage angst, suicide, the superficial NYC disco scene ("Mudd Club"), identity politics and plenty more. All of it hard-hitting while being hugely funny too. It's a rare skill and Frank was an absolute master of it.
There’s
a hell of a lot going on with this album, with stuff flying in from all
angles and there’s barely a second when
something clever and interesting is not happening sonically and lyrically. But Frank’s brilliant production prevents it all
from becoming too cluttered. Every instrumental overdub
and vocal line shines through clear as a bell.
It's
a fabulous band too, with the great Ike Willis and Ray White on vocals, Steve
Vai (stunt guitar), Tommy Mars (keyboards), Arthur Barrow (bass) and David
Logeman (drums). Add to this the sadly
recently departed Ed Mann (percussion), plus veteran Mothers Jimmy Carl Black
and Motorhead Sherwood.
If you're not familiar with this album, do yourself a favour and check it out. You'll love it, it's a way of life.
So,
those are just a few random notes and personal memories of the irrepressible and irreplaceable Frank
Zappa. I could have rambled on a while
longer. I didn’t mention the Hammersmith show where we saw guitarist Adrian Belew jogging around the stage in his brown boiler
suit doing warm-up calisthenics before the concert began, for example.
Or
the time Tommy Mars and a couple of other band members were busted for drug possession at
their hotel. The story made the London evening newspapers, and at one point it looked as if the concerts may be cancelled as a result. We can only imagine Frank's response to this. No doubt the famously anti-drugs Zappa handed the culprits the Mother of all bollockings. Not because he wanted to police their free time, but putting the tour in jeopardy would have been unthinkable - not to mention financially disastrous. Thankfully the shows went ahead as planned. But those and many other FZ memories will have to
wait for another time.
It only remains to say that there has never been anyone in popular music who came close to equaling Zappa's prodigious output, his phenomenal work rate, his razor-sharp wit or his outrageously creative genius. And in the modern era where computers, AI and autotune rule the world, I seriously doubt there ever will be. He existed entirely and gloriously outside the orthodoxy of the rock tradition. He could do it all and he did it in style.
I
need to thank Andrew Greenaway for his help and inspiration and for jogging my
fading memory on occasion. Check out
Andrew’s excellent webpage for all your Zappa requirements: https://www.zappanews.co.uk/. Or follow
him on Twitter / X @idiotbastard.
Below are some pictures from the exhibition Frank Zappa At The Roundhouse: A Celebration Of His Life and Music, November 2010. Photographs are by Robert Penney. Find him on Twitter / X @penneydesign
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